8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
