every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
