Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
