the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
only you would photoshop your dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
