i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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