Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
