Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
