I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
