So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
