conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
