Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
