who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
