I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
