I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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