im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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