I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
