worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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