Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
