Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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