You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
