butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
