three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
