people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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