I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
