I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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