Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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