he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
