with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
