my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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