I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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