I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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