I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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