When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
