And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
