apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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