He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
