I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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