let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
