My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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