I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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