I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
