Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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