My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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