I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
