I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
