Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
