I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
