what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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