Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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