my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
