I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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