There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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