The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
