then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
