i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
